Hump Day Lesson #1

Wednesdays have now officially become the day of the week where I teach my dear readers a valuable lesson. You are now all enrolled in Yarn & Order University, class to meet every Wednesday. Now these lessons don't necessarily have anything to do with knitting because I have no business teaching anyone about that. I would like for my blog to serve the public good and spare some people the heartache and pain that I have endured learning these lessons the hard way. In addition, I invite you all to comment and add your own lesson related (or not) to the topic at hand. Perhaps some time in the future I will have "guest lecturers" and you all can suggest lessons to be taught.  So sharpen your number two pencils and get out your big chief tablets, cuz class is beginning.

LESSON #1: BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR COFFEE

Now we have all heard the urban legend about the lady who spilled McDonald's coffee on her lap and collected millions (actually closer to 1/2 a million after the punitives were reduced but who cares about truth and details) but have you heard about the lady with the drinking problem who consistently spills half of her coffee on her shirt every day? Yeah well that would be me.

Every morning I brush my teeth, fix my hair, put on my makeup and get dressed in my appropriate business attire. This attire usually involves a light-colored shirt because black and dark colors are boring and I have this unnatural attraction to pink.  I then proceed to fill my travel mug with very strong black coffee and leave the house. This is when the problems begin. No matter how careful I am, no matter how tightly I twist the lid, I will inevitably spill coffee on my business attire. This usually occurs before I even get into work so by the time I walk in the door I look like I was attacked by an espresso machine. It is not only the travel mug that causes the problem. It also happens when I get coffee from one of the four places I frequent: Starbucks, 7-11 (my personal fave), the Shell station down the street and (in moments of desperation) the cafeteria at work. After many minor burns, dozens of embarassing moments and pounds of ruined clothing, I have devised some tips to minimize the problem:

1. Find a good travel mug. This may involve some trial and error. I have tested many mugs over the years in constant search of the perfect leak-proof mug and I have narrowed it down to a few good ones. My first favorite is the Starbucks stainless steel mug with handle and rubber grip that has a flip-up drinking hole (for lack of a better term) and a twist on top. Second favorite is a free one that Josh got at work, also stainless steel with a twist top. The key with these is to make sure the lid is very tight. Go for function and not aesthetics. I recommend trying out mugs with water first to avoid accidents. Do not buy a mug with a drinking hole that is not covered. You will be sorry.

2. Wipe the mug. Trust me, there will be residue after pouring. You may not see it immediately but it is there.

3. Don't carry more than you can handle. As I am running out the door for work, there are usually a million things I need to bring with me: knitting, planner, purse, lunch, suit jacket, whatever unwieldly files have made their way home with me and of course, my coffee. The key is to not carry too much in your arms or your coffee may cease to remain in an upright position. My solution: buy a GINORMOUS purse. You need the kind of purse that knocks over small children in elevators, breaks vases and becomes a black hole (another lesson for another time--how to prevent black hole syndrome). With such a large purse you can cram your crap in it and still have a free hand to keep your coffee steady.

4. Don't put coffee cups between your legs. I think we all know why. If your car does not have a cupholder, buy a new car.

5. Dress accordingly. If you decided to throw caution to the wind, you need to dress accordingly. Brown is the new black. Black doesn't show coffee. Patterns confuse people. Chunky necklaces and ID badges hide a multitude of accidents. If you have long hair, wear it down. If none of these work, walk around with a clipboard and look busy.

6. Keep a spare. Since you may not dress around your coffee, it may be good to keep a spare business attire shirt in your car or office in case of emergency. I would recommend a white shirt, but that is just tempting fate.

7. Keep the lid off. If you end up forgetting your coffee mug at home (as I inevitably do) or you need a mid-morning refill that sends you to the nearest Starbucks, 7-11, whatever, use the lid sparingly. Lids on disposable coffee cups cannot be trusted. Neither can the baristas who place these lids on your coffee. Keep the lid on for transport in order to prevent spillage but do not be tempted to sip your coffee until you have landed in safe location. At that point it is best to remove the lid and then gingerly take some first sips (lean over if you have to, shoes and desks are easier to clean). You may want to dump a bit of coffee to avoid overflow. Be careful with the lid as it may contain some dreaded coffee condensation.

8. Brighter is better. If you have the coffee on your desk along with important documents and files, you will be less likely to knock the cup over in a fit of insanity if you buy a mug in safety orange.

9. Wear a bib. Last resort.

10. Give up coffee. Will never happen.

Comments

[Jana]

WAHAHAHAHAHA! That was the bestest post!!! I don't drink coffee and now after reading this...I REALLY don't wanna! :)

Thanks for the afternoon loff... ;)

[Julia]

Thank goodness I don't drink coffee. I'm such a clutz, I'd be be a danger to myself and others. But ya know what? At work they bought a new ice dispenser because the old one blew out and now my "sitting beside my computer lidded mug" doesn't fit under the dispenser, so now I gotta get a new one.

[sunflowerfairy]

Damn, I was just going to tell you # 9.

Thanks for the tutorial though. I'm looking forward to next Weds.

[Heather]

Hey! I saw that you took a look at my blog and thought I would return the favor. We're about the same age and, yes, we do live in the same area!!!

Some of these rules will be etched on my brain. So many times has residue on the cup been the bane of my existence in the fashion sensible world.